It is a good spot I have chosen. I look up, and through the slates of wood I can see blue sky, some clouds, and enough of the tree to keep myself entertained watching the birds. It is peaceful and safe here. THEY keep the unwanted from pestering me. THEY protect my space and me, as I once did them. The peace affords me time to reminisce, and I find that all I can remember is my life here, with these people.
   There is twittering in the tree. I look up, and the green leaves fluttering on the breeze remind me of the fun I had climbing that tree, of the green scent that surrounded me when I lay within the canopy, and of the view I had from up there. So many times I watched her, Lady, and now my heart aches for her, because I know she will mourn for me.
   Lady was kind and understanding. Even when I was difficult, stubborn and untrusting, she never resented me for it. She looked at me and talked to me like she understood me, and never expected anything more from me than to be. Days unnumbered have I lived close to her and her family, so many days that they are all I know now, and yet always was there that fear inside me. It must have been humans that made me untrusting, to make me shy from kindness and good intent, for with these people, I would eat their food and drink their water, but never let them touch me.
   It seems Lady understood everything, for when, out of guilt, I began patrolling and protecting their area, even protecting the birds that they cared for, the ones in the small shelter beside their big one, from other felines, she thanked me for it, and tidbits from their table made their way to me.
   She wanted to let me in, I could sense it from her, and in truth I wanted to go in. I imagine that in time I would have accepted touch from her then, but He did not want me in, and that is all right, for I understand, and I like my freedom too.
   I smell meat, and I go to investigate. My backside will not work properly, and so I know I have not healed. It is in fact worse, though I have lain here resting for days, hoping to get better. It hurts desperately to move, but Lady has come immediately with fresh food and water for me, and I cannot refuse her, for her intentions are admirable, and I think now that I love her.
   Lady never once insisted on touching me. She would hold out her hand and let me get as close as I wished if I wished, but never did she push it. The other female, she snuck in a few fleeting brushes, and though I looked at her with offense, it was honestly all right, and gave me a bit of humor. Now I am lying here, and it begins to rain, but that too is fine, for most of the weather, even the wind and wet, is kept from me.  The air smells so nice - so clean.
   When the sun is out Lady comes, and now I understand what I have refused myself and in turn her. I drag myself out to her. I lie there and look at her. She looks me in the eyes, as she always has, looking for one hint of offense as she extends her hand. I see the tear in her eye. I know it is because she is so sorry she can do nothing, because she does not want me to suffer, and because she knows – I am going, and she will miss me, though she never claimed me as her own.
   I lay my head down, and her fingertips touch my fur, and it feels … wonderful. Yes Lady yes, touch me now, please, for I want you to. I want to know your touch, and I want you happy. I want to thank you in the only way I can for all the love, care and understanding you offered so freely, so openly, so unconditionally.
   I move back under my shelter, to the far end. She calls to me some time later, the name she gave, a name I like, and though I want to go to her, I will not. She does not insist. She does not look. She accepts and goes. I do not want her to see me so undignified, and it is as if she understands, as if she knows felines have immense pride.
   I hope she is not the one to find my body. It would destroy a small part of her. I hope it is not the other female too, for I would not want to take any of her joy.
   Lady, forgive me the tears I shall bring you, but thank you for them too. I think I will, if I can, come to you and be with you, forever by your side, once my spirit has quit this body, for I find that, though others had always tried to keep me when all I wanted was to go, now I have to leave, and all I want to do is stay.




                                                         FIN